Or: About finding the Christmas spirit.
Or: The scribblings of a miserable old git
Or: Just a bit of a ramble about stuff.
---
For many years as a kid I felt on edge around Christmas. I felt I was on the periphery and it highlighted how much of a gap there was age-wise between the older siblings and myself. It's never that much fun playing battleships on your own. Not that they never indulged me, of course they did, but there were occasions when it was obvious they'd rather be doing something else; going out with a boyfriend, watching Hart to Hart on TV, doing homework :-)
My sisters were great, but it was better when friends came round and we all got together to play Talisman, a game I absolutely loved which was sorta similar to Dungeons and Dragons except it was a proper board game not a bunch of rules, character sheets and twelve-sided dice.
(I did love role-playing games too, particulary Middle Earth. I still do of sorts, though that's perhaps a tale for another day.....*cough* I digress.)
But a lot of the time I was on my own and had to find ways to amuse myself, which usually meant reading. About monkeys or dinosaurs mostly.
I became more disillusioned in my teenage years, about many things I suppose, but Christmas particularly. I didn't see the point in spending money on gifts people weren't really interested in receiving. You could always resort to CDs or VHS videos but that always felt sorta lame. And anyway, why bother. Why did people not just agree to get themselves something they really wanted rather than spending it on each other and fretting about it all.
The significant word I objected to in all this was 'spend'. Spend spend spend.
It all seemed rather pointless.
Watching TV is a window into a land ruled by bad news (there is no News , just bad news) and deception. "Sale at Suchaplace Furniture Warehouse. Come down and save over two hundred pounds." "50 percent off. Hurry down and save while stocks last". "Look good feel great smell beautiful, great savings at your local department store."
Savings? No. Spendings. No one is saving anything in these transactions. You're forking over hard earned cash to buy something. It may well be less expensive than it was last week (in that one store in remotest Scotland that we had to increase prices at in order to be able to say these things in this promotion). But you're still spending.
And that's all Christmas felt like to me. It was all about shops trying to get you to spend money on mostly useless things. And I mean useless. You know, those daft gifts that 'only cost a few quid' and are sorta funny the first time you see them but then end up on a shelf, migrate to a drawer, and finally get given to charity after the next spring clean. Things like that novelty sexy bottle opener or 'the essential book of penguins' or the t shirt with a grumpy reindeer with a red nose LED which lights up that is highly unlikely to see the light of day til next Christmas if ever.
I couldn't lean on faith and look at Christmas from the point of view of celebrating the birth of a messiah. I've never believed in any god(s). I just never got it; sorry Sister Joseph and all the other nuns in catholic school - while you did instill in me the fear of women in long black dresses all the talk of burning in hell wasn't exactly motivational in a positive way.
It all changed when I came out in my late teens and started meeting people on the scene. You know? Gay people? They're fun right? Haven't you seen Will and Grace?
I believe it was Marge in the Simpsons who I first heard refer to gay people (John Waters' character) as 'festive'.
The Gays (insert trademark symbol) love Christmas. It's all about lights and music and dancing and gifts and drinking and being extravagant. Let me buy you a lavish diamond-encrusted candelabra. It will look divine as a centrepiece alongside that designer label bowl of pot pourri. Ooh and don't forget the basket of mini-muffins decorated with icing shaped into arses. Put it on top of that little book of felching.
I used to watch Will and Grace and had a twelve year relationship with someone who lived the Will and Grace lifestyle. There were many things wrong in retrospect but one positive thing was a different view of Christmas.
Goodbye miserable black-wearing teen and Hello magazine.
Christmas was all about Nigella Lawson and Christmas specials on TV and most of all spending. A thousand pounds? Cheap at the price! Let's have two! Debts? What are they?!
I actually did enjoy the frivolity and I'd be lying if I said having 'stuff' isn't nice. Most of the stuff wasn't that useful but hey. It was Christmas! When's Will and Grace on? That Karen is so funny and bitchy.
I'm being facetious. But I was serious when I said I did regain some of the positives about Christmas. I did feel the magic, probably more than I'd felt as a kid in a way as we spent a lot of time decorating and having the nicest tree and eggnog and mince pies and all the other trappings. It was like living in Santa's grotto and it was like being in a Disney movie.
It was all fake of course and unlike Disney movies this didn't have a happy ending. At least not in the traditional way. Though I'm a gazillion times happier now and I hope so is he.
However it did mean that I had regained an appreciation of things like Christmas tree lights. They do look nice and in the cold grey English winter climate with minimal daylight hours anything to brighten up your day is a plus.
I still harbour a dislike for Disney. There are a number of reasons for it other than ex associations; life isn't a sickly sweet film, you have to work at it and make the best of it. Prince Charming will have a past (which is fine). The carriage won't turn into a pumpkin at midnight (thankfully). Bambi's mum did end up on a mantelpiece and Thumper probably got the nickname as a playground bully but Bambi's done ok and is now managing a shop in Notting Hill selling antiques. The fairy godmother may be in a pink tutu but she's probably also got a beard and tattoos and is called Endo Morph. We don't need magic to be happy. Ain't that grand :-)
Where am I going with this?
Up until this week I couldn't capture the Christmas spirit. At all.
From reading various blogfriends' posts it seems others have also had this same lack. It's as if the Grinch really has stolen it this year.
Some have written about it from the point of view of world politics and the pointless cultural conflicts we get ourselves into, this supposedly enlightened species that we are.
Others have blogged in dismay about the recent LGBT political let-downs in the US.
Some have had a crisis of faith.
The global situation, whether it's regarding climate change, war or the economy, is pretty crap. As individuals we can do a certain amount. I support green charities. I don't know what the answer is regarding Iraq or Afghanistan but I am reasonably sure there isn't one answer that would please everybody. I do blame our western culture for the economic crisis but it's worth thinking about how it's affecting people in the developing world as I suspect they're having it far harsher than we are.
The disappointments in LGBT equality legislation, particularly across the pond, have been balanced and not in a good way by an unexplained increase in homophobic attacks over here. I fear all this is in some ways a symptom of the economic situation (disatisfied people like the concept of 'them and us'). I do wonder if perhaps I'm missing something on the religious angle, as organised faith is a far more powerful animal in the U.S. than anywhere in western Europe. Not sure.
Which brings us neatly to faith. Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to 'believe'. I do have faith just not in any noncorporeal being I can't interact with. But I am increasingly optimistic about human beings. But only if they are happy humans. And only if they regain the concept of politeness and consideration that seems to have been discarded in favour of fame-seeking and disrespect for other people. That goes for me too obviously. Sometimes it's hard to keep Karen locked in.
Has the world gone to pot? Or am I just getting old and is this what happens? You turn into a miserable old git?
Thankfully a few things have happened that have shaken this viewpoint by the balls.
I had to go and buy a secret Santa present for a work colleague last weekend. I think I did ok. But it made me go and do something Christmassy.
And few days ago my sister rang telling me about their tree (she actually rang about something else but you know what I mean) and I spoke to my 5yo nephew who proceeded to give me a detailed analysis about all the wrapped boxes under their tree and which were his and what sizes they were.
It all culminated into a feeling that I really should stop taking it all that seriously and just enjoy it for what it is.
I'm beginning (beginning?!) to ramble.
I do like how people can be happy at Christmastime and I wish everyone would be happy. I will do my damndest to make it so for the people I interact with.
I still don't agree with the whole spend culture but obviously giving gifts can be a good thing if it's done with love.
I already said merry Christmas to someone today. That's a start.
The tree went up two days ago. I did it on my own and I think surprised the hell out the husb.
I may play some Christmas songs this weekend when I'm back home.
I'm even smiling at random people on the street.
Christmas isn't about gifts or stuff. Or food or decorations. Or arguably even baby Jesus.
It's about being happy. Gifts don't matter. Respect is a part of it.
I guess that's what the whole idea of gift giving is really all about. As they say, it's about the giving nor receiving. Or was that some porn I watched?
Complacency and procrastination are not part of it, at least for me. Done too much of that this year. Kick. Up. Arse. Words to that effect.
I know for some people happiness is not always an easy proposition. So if you can't be happy then aim to make someone else happy; magically it sometimes comes right back at you.
The miserable old git is hopefully dead and buried.
Here's to a wonderful new year coming soon. I'm gonna work hard to make it incredible for the husb and myself. I challenge you to do the same.
Really.
Merry Christmas xxx
Unless you're that skinny bitch who tripped me up with a shopping bag on the way to Starbucks. Oh hell, merry Christmas to you too. (shame that hat didn't go with her shoes, eh Karen)
Hugs & Love xxxxx
-- iPhone blogging
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Saturday, 5 December 2009
The land that time forgot
A trip to see some ancient relics. (No, not a visit to the local bear bar.)
Part of my job involves travelling around the country and sometimes abroad, living in hotels, sleeping on planes and eating on trains. Those people who do similar will know that hotels when working are nothing like hotels on holiday. You're not on vacation. You're away from home, often without friends nearby, eating bland food on your lonesome in a restaurant and dragging a suitcase around with you like a tortoise does its shell.
So when the husb decided to join me on a work trip down south it was like a breath of fresh air.
Since I was working near some friends we decided to go and see them and stay there (saving the company I work for expenses and making for a far more enjoyable time). I dropped him off in the centre of town and went to work, meeting him at our friends' place at the end of my working day. It was lovely to see them and especially their dog Henry.
That evening we all went to a pub quiz, met other friends there and wound up coming joint first, sharing the prize (all of 30 quid) with two other teams. Not enough to give up the day job. But we had fun.
Next morning off we set to a nearby town, again leaving the husb near shops while I went to work. That night we stayed in a hotel nearby and for a change I had a lovely meal while away from home and we had a relaxing evening together. The fire alarm went off at 6am which disturbed our sleep. It was a false alarm but it meant we woke up late and missed breakfast (which finished at 9am - what sort of rubbish hotel was it?!)
I'd taken the next day as leave as we wanted to explore some prehistoric sites in the area.
It was pissing down and grey.
We started off at Barbury Castle, the remains of an iron age hill fort. Driving through the narrow country lanes and pot holes we ended up in the middle of nowhere. We weren't expecting much. Which was lucky.
As the husb said, "it's a field".
It looks better if you're in a helicopter (courtesy of temporary temples).
After that excitement we headed for Avebury, the site of the largest prehistoric stone circle in the country. It's not a famous as Stonehenge but it's far larger in scope and I think just as impressive. It's impossible to capture the size of the place on a phone camera.
The nice thing about Avebury is you can actually go and stand next to the stones, and even touch them to feel a sense of age. Standing in the field in the drizzle next to these stones that were placed thousands of years ago, crows flying overhead and cawing in the gnarly trees; it was lovely.
Again a helicopter photo gives you a better idea (courtesy of hyperstition). There are multiple concentric rings plus many outlying stones even further afield than this shows.
Our next stop was the little known wooden relic that some believe to be a contemporary of Stonehenge. They named it Woodhenge (it's about 5min away from its better known neighbour).
I have to say I was underwhelmed. The husb's only comment was 'It's some stumps in the ground". The official website gives you an idea of what it might've looked like back then.
By this time we were pretty hungry so we stopped off for lunch at a Little Chef (the shame) before arriving at the most famous site of all, Stonehenge.
They truly make you wonder how people managed to work together to achieve these things. Prehistoric Britain was not a centre of civilisation in the same way as Ancient China or Egypt, but they somehow still got things done.
We were a little early for the winter solstice, so no naked dancing in the moonlight this time. We did manage a couple of cheesy photos though.
The spookiest thing when standing at Stonehenge is looking at the countryside around you. You soon notice small hillocks are dotted around the hillsides, mounds of grass slightly out of place. Then as you start to pay attention and look more closely you see more.And more. There's loads of them. And then the hairs on the back of your arms and neck stand on end as you realise what you're looking at. They're ancient barrows (like the ones in Lord of the Rings but real) , the burial sites of eminent prehistoric personages, probably chieftains and the like who wanted to be buried near the sacred area.
That's the breathtaking part of Stonehenge. Not just the stones, but the realisation of what the monument must have meant to these people.
We headed back to the car a little subdued. On the way out we took in the delights of the obligatory souvenir shop. I have to say I wasn't that impressed, but the cafe next door did sell some tasty pastries, including scones.
They really should have had a sign saying 'Sconehenge', don't you think?
Part of my job involves travelling around the country and sometimes abroad, living in hotels, sleeping on planes and eating on trains. Those people who do similar will know that hotels when working are nothing like hotels on holiday. You're not on vacation. You're away from home, often without friends nearby, eating bland food on your lonesome in a restaurant and dragging a suitcase around with you like a tortoise does its shell.
So when the husb decided to join me on a work trip down south it was like a breath of fresh air.
Since I was working near some friends we decided to go and see them and stay there (saving the company I work for expenses and making for a far more enjoyable time). I dropped him off in the centre of town and went to work, meeting him at our friends' place at the end of my working day. It was lovely to see them and especially their dog Henry.
That evening we all went to a pub quiz, met other friends there and wound up coming joint first, sharing the prize (all of 30 quid) with two other teams. Not enough to give up the day job. But we had fun.
Next morning off we set to a nearby town, again leaving the husb near shops while I went to work. That night we stayed in a hotel nearby and for a change I had a lovely meal while away from home and we had a relaxing evening together. The fire alarm went off at 6am which disturbed our sleep. It was a false alarm but it meant we woke up late and missed breakfast (which finished at 9am - what sort of rubbish hotel was it?!)
I'd taken the next day as leave as we wanted to explore some prehistoric sites in the area.
It was pissing down and grey.
We started off at Barbury Castle, the remains of an iron age hill fort. Driving through the narrow country lanes and pot holes we ended up in the middle of nowhere. We weren't expecting much. Which was lucky.
It looks better if you're in a helicopter (courtesy of temporary temples).
After that excitement we headed for Avebury, the site of the largest prehistoric stone circle in the country. It's not a famous as Stonehenge but it's far larger in scope and I think just as impressive. It's impossible to capture the size of the place on a phone camera.
Avebury is one of those picture postcard English villages with tudor houses and an old well-loved pub.
The nice thing about Avebury is you can actually go and stand next to the stones, and even touch them to feel a sense of age. Standing in the field in the drizzle next to these stones that were placed thousands of years ago, crows flying overhead and cawing in the gnarly trees; it was lovely.
Again a helicopter photo gives you a better idea (courtesy of hyperstition). There are multiple concentric rings plus many outlying stones even further afield than this shows.
Our next stop was the little known wooden relic that some believe to be a contemporary of Stonehenge. They named it Woodhenge (it's about 5min away from its better known neighbour).
I have to say I was underwhelmed. The husb's only comment was 'It's some stumps in the ground". The official website gives you an idea of what it might've looked like back then.
By this time we were pretty hungry so we stopped off for lunch at a Little Chef (the shame) before arriving at the most famous site of all, Stonehenge.
I'd been once before but wanted to share it with the husb. The site is special for its almost organic-feeling arrangement of stones.
They truly make you wonder how people managed to work together to achieve these things. Prehistoric Britain was not a centre of civilisation in the same way as Ancient China or Egypt, but they somehow still got things done.
We were a little early for the winter solstice, so no naked dancing in the moonlight this time. We did manage a couple of cheesy photos though.
The spookiest thing when standing at Stonehenge is looking at the countryside around you. You soon notice small hillocks are dotted around the hillsides, mounds of grass slightly out of place. Then as you start to pay attention and look more closely you see more.And more. There's loads of them. And then the hairs on the back of your arms and neck stand on end as you realise what you're looking at. They're ancient barrows (like the ones in Lord of the Rings but real) , the burial sites of eminent prehistoric personages, probably chieftains and the like who wanted to be buried near the sacred area.
That's the breathtaking part of Stonehenge. Not just the stones, but the realisation of what the monument must have meant to these people.
We headed back to the car a little subdued. On the way out we took in the delights of the obligatory souvenir shop. I have to say I wasn't that impressed, but the cafe next door did sell some tasty pastries, including scones.
They really should have had a sign saying 'Sconehenge', don't you think?
Monday, 30 November 2009
Let's Talk
Recently I have been shitting myself. That's metaphorically speaking, nothing to do with the lactose-intolerance than might normally be the cause :-) More on that in a second, but first a thank you.
Thanks for all the supportive comments re lifestyle changes. The no smoking thing is going better than expected but I have to admit to not having much luck on the exercise front. I'm not particularly disappointed; I'm still having trouble with my left knee and should probably get it seen to. There's been a lot on my mind lately work wise (the main point of this post) which has been a big reason I've not been keeping up with much online; I'm more bothered about what I've missed in blogfriends' lives but I'm gonna have to keep playing catch up for a while til things calm down a bit.
So what's been going on? Well, about six weeks ago I was informed that the company I work for was taking part in a government conference and I had been nominated as our speaker in the event.
A little bit of background information. My normal daily job is all about going to see customers and presenting information when the need warrants it. This has meant the occasional seminar presentation, speaking about stuff related to the company for an hour or two, usually including a demo etc. I was a trainer in the past too which meant keeping the punters entertained for up to four days of training. I used to love that job and the feedback you get from people when you realise 'by jove, they've got it!'.
However, this particular gig meant being a speaker in the main plenary session; I had to sit on a stage in front of 300+ people and, when my turn came, talk for 20mins on the subject of efficiency (yes my job is that interesting), at least my take on it.
I'd done seminars in front of 80 or so people, at a podium, in the front of a room, but for some reason the whole thing about being on stage raised above them, plus the increase in audience size, gave me the willies.
Then there was the topic at hand; I wasn't supposed to discuss the company I work for or the products we sell; that's a big no no in any conference, let alone when the audience is made up of (and here's the one that really made me nervous) bigwigs from various government departments. And by bigwigs I mean the folks who actually run the country.
Um.
Anyway, I had to get on with it so I wrote and submitted my presentation powerpoint slides a couple of weeks before the event and also sent off a biography and a photo (I looked like Hannibal Lecter as I took it myself on my iphone). The next couple of weeks I couldn't give it that much thought as I had other things to do, although on and off I remembered it and promptly cacked myself, but two days before the event I got an email from the guy who was chairing it giving me feedback on my presentation (he liked it and only made a few small suggestions for changes). He also suggested I meet up with him the next day. I thought this was a good idea so we met up at a train station (under the clock at two wearing a pink carnation - no not really - I had to spot the guy on the phone standing outside a coffee shop).
He turned out to be an affable chap and offered me some advice as well as telling me about the other speakers. Oh boy. The other speakers were all The Director of this and That Who's Published numerous things about government stuff and has worked with that Huge Organisation before moving to that other Well Known Corporation.
Um.
And I am... um... yeah. That's how I felt.
He then asked me if I wanted to take part in the closing panel session. This meant being on the stage at the end of the conference with some bigwigs answering questions from the audience.
Um.
I said yes. What else could I say. I told him it would be a good learning experience for me.
Hahahahahaha.
That night in the hotel I treated myself to some pear cider (my latest tipple of choice) and tried to take my mind off it by talking to a couple of friends and the husb. It didnt really work. At all actually.
I also had to revise my presentation. I don't know about you but the way I write presentations is to pretend I'm speaking and write that down and then go over it a number of times to make sure I haven't missed anything. After this amendment stage, I then rewrite it in the form of very short bullet points which I might use as reminders during the talk.
If I've given a presentation before I'm ok and don't even need notes, but when it's the first time I need some help to make sure I don't forget to say something. Powerpoint is there for the audience (I usually use it to display quotes from analysts or graphics - I rarely have anything on that that has anything to do with what I'm actually saying myself). This time not only had I not delivered this before, but the topic was outside my comfort zone - while I know about it I'm normally far less abstract in seminars as I'm trying to get people to be onside with the company or products I'm talking about.
Notes ready, I polished off the cider and fell asleep. {zzzzz...zzznore.....}
The next day was Conference Day. I got there early as requested and found my colleagues at the exhibition stand. Breakfast was provided so I hadn't had anything at the hotel. Ooops. Breakfast was lots of pastries.... no good for me.... and all cafes in the conference centre were shut til 10am. On arrival I was told that my manager wasn't turning up. Ah. That meant that not only was I doing my talk in the morning, and the panel session in the afternoon, but I now had to do my manager's bit in the masterclass straight after my talk in a different room in the conference centre. With no food.
I wasn't overjoyed. It wasn't as bad as it might sound as that masterclass delivery was what I'd normally do in other conferences so I didn't have to learn anything and I was very comfortable with the topic. I was more concerned about my energy level given that I knew I'd be on edge all morning before the talk and would be on a come down straight after.
What I haven't mentioned already is that the way the company I work for would judge my success in the day would be how many people I could get to attend the masterclass after hearing my speech. So my speech had to get them to want to know about what 'we do' without mentioning 'us' at all. Yeah. And now I was delivering it myself so I'd see first hand how successful I had been. I'm smiling now.
Just after 9am I headed to the plenary room and met the other speakers and the chair again. The other speakers seemed nice enough but I didn't exactly have much in common with them and to be fair they were all looking at their notes and getting ready so there wasn't much of a chance to chat. I got myself sat on the stage and the room filled up. It was one of those rooms that has a stage at the front and then rises up from there at an angle (like a cinema) so the audience can all see the speakers.
And the speakers can see them. Funnily enough that didn't bother me as much as I thought it would though I didn't exactly stare at them.
Then it started. I was the fourth and last speaker to present. The first guy began. He talked about the current state of the economy, public spending and the official figures of something or other, the government's fiscal policy of this, the billions being spent in that fund and the billions to buggery of who knows what. OMFG. The next two followed as I sat there wondering what I'd gotten myself into. Here I was listening to people talk about budgets and fiscal whatsits and the speech I was about to deliver begun with asking people to imagine they were a few thousand years in the past looking at the pyramids being built.
Um.
So, how did it go?
You know, it went really well. Really. A number of people from the audience came up to me straight afterwards to shake my hand, and the masterclass following was so full we had to turn people away due to health and safety reasons.
:-)
The weirdest moment from the whole day came in the panel session right at the end. I'm sitting there not answering much (all the questions were very specific about government stuff) when one of the fellow panellists , as an aside, says the following: "Yesterday I got a call from Gordon asking me to pop round and talk about xyz with him, so we met up in Downing Street in the afternoon." Gordon is the prime minister over here. There I was sitting two seats away from the guy who advises the guy who runs the country how to best deal with budget policy.
I think I smiled. I know inside I was laughing to myself.
And the best bit was that I actually did answer one question; the very last one; and was the last person to speak. And I actually made that guy sit up and notice me with what I said - in a good way. (Before that the other panellists had pretty much ignored me as 'being from the sponsor'. They weren't rude or anything just on a different plane of existence.)
I'm pretty chuffed.
Postscript: I've now been asked to do it again in another conference in January. This time I have a 45min slot. No doubt I'll be nervous nearer the time. Though I need to take a new photo as that Hannibal Lecter one is just plain scary.
Thanks for all the supportive comments re lifestyle changes. The no smoking thing is going better than expected but I have to admit to not having much luck on the exercise front. I'm not particularly disappointed; I'm still having trouble with my left knee and should probably get it seen to. There's been a lot on my mind lately work wise (the main point of this post) which has been a big reason I've not been keeping up with much online; I'm more bothered about what I've missed in blogfriends' lives but I'm gonna have to keep playing catch up for a while til things calm down a bit.
So what's been going on? Well, about six weeks ago I was informed that the company I work for was taking part in a government conference and I had been nominated as our speaker in the event.
A little bit of background information. My normal daily job is all about going to see customers and presenting information when the need warrants it. This has meant the occasional seminar presentation, speaking about stuff related to the company for an hour or two, usually including a demo etc. I was a trainer in the past too which meant keeping the punters entertained for up to four days of training. I used to love that job and the feedback you get from people when you realise 'by jove, they've got it!'.
However, this particular gig meant being a speaker in the main plenary session; I had to sit on a stage in front of 300+ people and, when my turn came, talk for 20mins on the subject of efficiency (yes my job is that interesting), at least my take on it.
I'd done seminars in front of 80 or so people, at a podium, in the front of a room, but for some reason the whole thing about being on stage raised above them, plus the increase in audience size, gave me the willies.
Then there was the topic at hand; I wasn't supposed to discuss the company I work for or the products we sell; that's a big no no in any conference, let alone when the audience is made up of (and here's the one that really made me nervous) bigwigs from various government departments. And by bigwigs I mean the folks who actually run the country.
Um.
Anyway, I had to get on with it so I wrote and submitted my presentation powerpoint slides a couple of weeks before the event and also sent off a biography and a photo (I looked like Hannibal Lecter as I took it myself on my iphone). The next couple of weeks I couldn't give it that much thought as I had other things to do, although on and off I remembered it and promptly cacked myself, but two days before the event I got an email from the guy who was chairing it giving me feedback on my presentation (he liked it and only made a few small suggestions for changes). He also suggested I meet up with him the next day. I thought this was a good idea so we met up at a train station (under the clock at two wearing a pink carnation - no not really - I had to spot the guy on the phone standing outside a coffee shop).
He turned out to be an affable chap and offered me some advice as well as telling me about the other speakers. Oh boy. The other speakers were all The Director of this and That Who's Published numerous things about government stuff and has worked with that Huge Organisation before moving to that other Well Known Corporation.
Um.
And I am... um... yeah. That's how I felt.
He then asked me if I wanted to take part in the closing panel session. This meant being on the stage at the end of the conference with some bigwigs answering questions from the audience.
Um.
I said yes. What else could I say. I told him it would be a good learning experience for me.
Hahahahahaha.
That night in the hotel I treated myself to some pear cider (my latest tipple of choice) and tried to take my mind off it by talking to a couple of friends and the husb. It didnt really work. At all actually.
I also had to revise my presentation. I don't know about you but the way I write presentations is to pretend I'm speaking and write that down and then go over it a number of times to make sure I haven't missed anything. After this amendment stage, I then rewrite it in the form of very short bullet points which I might use as reminders during the talk.
If I've given a presentation before I'm ok and don't even need notes, but when it's the first time I need some help to make sure I don't forget to say something. Powerpoint is there for the audience (I usually use it to display quotes from analysts or graphics - I rarely have anything on that that has anything to do with what I'm actually saying myself). This time not only had I not delivered this before, but the topic was outside my comfort zone - while I know about it I'm normally far less abstract in seminars as I'm trying to get people to be onside with the company or products I'm talking about.
Notes ready, I polished off the cider and fell asleep. {zzzzz...zzznore.....}
The next day was Conference Day. I got there early as requested and found my colleagues at the exhibition stand. Breakfast was provided so I hadn't had anything at the hotel. Ooops. Breakfast was lots of pastries.... no good for me.... and all cafes in the conference centre were shut til 10am. On arrival I was told that my manager wasn't turning up. Ah. That meant that not only was I doing my talk in the morning, and the panel session in the afternoon, but I now had to do my manager's bit in the masterclass straight after my talk in a different room in the conference centre. With no food.
I wasn't overjoyed. It wasn't as bad as it might sound as that masterclass delivery was what I'd normally do in other conferences so I didn't have to learn anything and I was very comfortable with the topic. I was more concerned about my energy level given that I knew I'd be on edge all morning before the talk and would be on a come down straight after.
What I haven't mentioned already is that the way the company I work for would judge my success in the day would be how many people I could get to attend the masterclass after hearing my speech. So my speech had to get them to want to know about what 'we do' without mentioning 'us' at all. Yeah. And now I was delivering it myself so I'd see first hand how successful I had been. I'm smiling now.
Just after 9am I headed to the plenary room and met the other speakers and the chair again. The other speakers seemed nice enough but I didn't exactly have much in common with them and to be fair they were all looking at their notes and getting ready so there wasn't much of a chance to chat. I got myself sat on the stage and the room filled up. It was one of those rooms that has a stage at the front and then rises up from there at an angle (like a cinema) so the audience can all see the speakers.
And the speakers can see them. Funnily enough that didn't bother me as much as I thought it would though I didn't exactly stare at them.
Then it started. I was the fourth and last speaker to present. The first guy began. He talked about the current state of the economy, public spending and the official figures of something or other, the government's fiscal policy of this, the billions being spent in that fund and the billions to buggery of who knows what. OMFG. The next two followed as I sat there wondering what I'd gotten myself into. Here I was listening to people talk about budgets and fiscal whatsits and the speech I was about to deliver begun with asking people to imagine they were a few thousand years in the past looking at the pyramids being built.
Um.
So, how did it go?
You know, it went really well. Really. A number of people from the audience came up to me straight afterwards to shake my hand, and the masterclass following was so full we had to turn people away due to health and safety reasons.
:-)
The weirdest moment from the whole day came in the panel session right at the end. I'm sitting there not answering much (all the questions were very specific about government stuff) when one of the fellow panellists , as an aside, says the following: "Yesterday I got a call from Gordon asking me to pop round and talk about xyz with him, so we met up in Downing Street in the afternoon." Gordon is the prime minister over here. There I was sitting two seats away from the guy who advises the guy who runs the country how to best deal with budget policy.
I think I smiled. I know inside I was laughing to myself.
And the best bit was that I actually did answer one question; the very last one; and was the last person to speak. And I actually made that guy sit up and notice me with what I said - in a good way. (Before that the other panellists had pretty much ignored me as 'being from the sponsor'. They weren't rude or anything just on a different plane of existence.)
I'm pretty chuffed.
Postscript: I've now been asked to do it again in another conference in January. This time I have a 45min slot. No doubt I'll be nervous nearer the time. Though I need to take a new photo as that Hannibal Lecter one is just plain scary.
Hannibal Lecter
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)